There is no hope in hedonism.

You are hunting for pleasure but you'll never be able to quench your thirst. Only God can provide you with the gift of real contentment.I see you are already growing tired of normal life, having to escape, be it virtual words or moving across the earth, you get temporary satisfaction, until you become restless again.

the tl;dr version being that I get so completely and utterly bored of life if I stay somewhere for more than a few months, that I begin verging on extreme depression (etc)

Also you experienced such an extreme version of boredom that you have been drawn to criminal activities, also I have felt this calling to crime, but I was able to resist the urge, and turned to Christ. I know this feeling, you want to own, destroy, wreak havoc, dominate. All this is just an indication that your sins are taking more and more control of you and that God is about to fully give you up, but there is hope!

Plus it was extremely interesting, challenging, fun, etc. Crime in general is extremely fun -- I would be doing it even if I were not being "paid" (lol) to do it. That's in fact exactly what J.G. Ballard said at one point, that we are coming dangerously close to a society where the only way to avoid dying of boredom is to indulge in crime and atrocities. (..)

This is very true.